levels of out-ness

[danceboy]

Last night I let myself get dragged to Baptiste Power Yoga (kind of Ashtanga, but more so; hotter room, more athletic) by a co-worker (henceforth CW). I was wondering whether I would bump into people I knew. I did.

One was someone I knew years ago from the SCA, and have occasionally bumped into at Fetish Fleas. CW knows I was in the SCA, considers it a bit weird, but he's a geek so he basically gets it. The flea was mentioned as "the flea".

Another was someone I know from CI (henceforth R). I'm a little leery of my co-workers knowing that I dance. I'm not too worried, but I haven't mentioned it to people, even when asked "so what are you doing tonight?". Just general "I don't want people to think of me as weird in a situation where them thinking so might make me unemployed".

The thing is, I've been flirting with R for a couple of months now (less so lately as I don't care for her evident taste in snuggle-bunnies (but then, to be fair, some of the otherwise smartest women fall for this guy. I'm convinced that he either gets much saner in bed, or he has a prehensile penis.)), and I really don't want that whole poly thing getting around the office. I could live with the social aspects of it, but the imminent unemployment aspects would bother me. Plus I start getting a whole "none of their business" kind of ornery.

CW has met my wife in passing, so he knows I have one, and what she looks like. He knows it isn't R. I'm reasonably sure he didn't catch the flirt-energy (I made sure to introduce him to R quickly as "my co-worker", and R is generally pretty aware). I even think that CW wouldn't pass such gossip around if he did catch on. It just felt odd...

Comments

[queen-of-wands.livejournal.com]

Sorry, hon, but a co-worker who doesn't know poly (which of course is potentially a false assumption if everyone is closeted) who sees you flirting when your wife isn't looking is more likely to think that you're a sly lech (and then be either disdainful or approving depending on his own take on such things) than to figure out that your wife's OK with this and that therefore you have the sort of "deviant lifestyle" for which one ought to get fired. Freaking messed up culture. Oh hey, but flirt-dancing with R sounds nice. I'd say try not to judge her too much by one boy choice. Some of us who like to think of ourselves as smart, sexy, sincere (and other positive s- words) have chosen partners whose names we'd now rather not shout too loud.

[danceboy.livejournal.com]

Well, he's a geek. So I'd bet he's at least heard of poly. Either way, I just don't really want to deal with that sort of thing at work. And again, I doubt that I'd have to even if he did catch on. It just struck me all of a sudden that I'm in a few closets, and I think I'm going to stay there for the forseeable future.
And I agree wrt our culture (normal is OK, honest is good or bad as it relates to normal).

As for R, I'm trying not to judge much. I've learned not to date certain types of people the hard way, and I've been insane a time or two (it's the best excuse that I can come up with). It's that she's dating this guy now (and is thinking about moving in with him) and I'm not sure that I could be as charming about it as I'd like to generally be towards people that I date.